Ask An Author, Ch. 3: Sexy Birds

Ask An Author, Ch. 3: Sexy Birds

Dear Ember,

What do you think is the sexiest species of birds?

Signed,

A. Viary

 

Dear A. Viary,

This is a no-brainer. The hottest bird of all the endothermic vertabrates is the Superb Bird of Paradise (Lophorina superba).

Photo Credit: National Geographic
Photo Credit: National Geographic

The first time I saw this winged creature, I fell in love. I remember the moment fondly–sitting with too many friends on a microfiber couch, cuddled up with blankets and hummus and pita chips (proper viewing food!), unaware of the total mindfuck that awaited us via the Planet Earth series we’d heard so much about. Episode 1, From Pole to Pole, featured a glimpse at some of the more striking and exotic birds, and when the soothing voice of David Attenborough guided me through the exciting and sexy choreography of the bird of paradise, I was hooked. 

Is the mating dance supposed to work on humans, too?
Is the mating dance supposed to work on humans, too? Photo Credit: Cookson Marketing

If I were a bird? I’d be ALL over that shit.

I don’t know what it is–the rhythmic clicking and hopping, reminding me of my suitor’s virility and battle-readiness? Or perhaps his energy levels are shockingly high, proving once and for all to me that he will be a willing father and voracious lover?

Whatever it is, I’d mate with this bird. Provided I was, you know, also a bird. Or at least had a beak. (Ahem, shifter romance?)

A close second in the sexiest bird department is the Ribbon-tailed astrapia (Astraoia meyeri). I would pay almost as much money to see this one in real life than I would the bippity-boppity sex machine mentioned above. The Ribbon-tailed bird hails from New Guinea, and features a 3-foot-long tail of feathers that is strictly an aesthetic development for attracting mates. Talk about working hard for your lady! And there’s nothing sexier than that, now, is there?

That's one long ribbon of sexual attraction. Lady birds, line up! Photo Credit: National Geographic
That’s one long ribbon of sexual attraction. Lady birds, line up! Photo Credit: National Geographic

Tell Ember all about it...

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