Now that my first publisher, Breathless Press, has officially closed, there’s a sad sense of finality there. No longer are my or my fellow author’s books available on their website, or on Amazon. It’s all gone, torn down, packed away, returned to sender.
I can’t help but feel like, as an author, I’ve gone back to square one. With a lull between my next release and the re-release of my former Breathless Press titles, there’s nothing available to purchase. As an author, I am technically invisible once more, relegated to the status of ‘pre-published author’ despite the volumes of words that await their first or second releases.
As though cosmically timed with this career shift, it’s also May 1st, the start of a new month, ‘square one’ of a new season, another cycle. That means tomorrow, my partner and I pack up and head out of Peru, which has been our home since July 2014.
Going back to basics: sloughing the chaff off our belongings, taking a hard look at what we need and don’t need, and consolidating all of our things into a couple of backpacks. Selling off the furniture, pots, pans and spice racks that have adorned our life for almost the past year in this country. We’ll leave no trace here, rendering us invisible once more in the world, transitioning from fleeting residents to transient ghosts.
Back to square one. Back to backpacks. Back to basics.
Starting from scratch, in a professional sense and in a physical sense, is both saddening and liberating. On the one hand, it’s a refreshing new start, a chance to trim roots and allow new growth to spring forth (and don’t think I’m overlooking the good timing of these changes occurring in North American springtime!).
Yet change always brings a sense of melancholy — a distinct or distant or pining for that which is being shed or lost. While I’m happy to see the eager new growth poking through, I’m also wishing I could still see the former grand tulip that existed in seasons past.
I will miss Breathless Press. I will miss Peru.
I will miss the curious nooks and crannies of our apartment here, the chill of the Sacred Valley mornings, the surprise hail storms, the comforts of having a nice, settled-in home in any part of the world.
I will miss the publisher that gave me my start in the world of romance. I will miss the family that we authors forged there, the comfort of being able to hold close the family that helped me get my start in this career.
But cycles are implicit, and change is inevitable. Now, I’ll began new journeys that will, as always, only lead onward and upwards. My partner and I will travel a bit, and then begin a new life in a new country up north. And my career will move forward under the tutelage of The Wild Rose Press.
Both journeys are sure to have plenty of unexpected twists and turns, providing ample opportunities for growth, change, and more. With equal parts melancholy and excitement, I look to the future while cherishing the past.
Going back to square one isn’t a setback. But rather, it’s a new chance to forge ahead, gaining all those meaningful and necessary experiences along the way that provide the depth and sparkle in our lives.
I’m not sure where this new cycle will lead me…but I’m excited to find out!